Steady
by RayOfDarkSunshine
Summary: Every day I think about it and not a day goes by where I wish it hadn't happened.


**Title: **Steady

**By: **RayOfDarkSunshine

**Summary: **Every day I think about it and not a day goes by where I wish it hadn't happened.

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I've always been told what a good memory I have, I used to believe it too. Then I began to forget things, large chunks of time. I couldn't remember a thing. Waking up in strange places with utterly no idea what I was doing before hand or how I actually got there. That scared me, terrified me. I couldn't remember anything between time and I hated it. For a while I made my peace with it and then I found out why it was happening and that terrified me even more. I just wanted it too end. The black outs. The darkness.

All of it but I couldn't escape it. I couldn't even though I tried to fight. It was evil, this other side of me. It was me, I knew it was even though for a long time. I tried to deny it. Tell me people it wasn't me, that I never did anything. That I couldn't control it. Nobody believed me. So I gave up trying. Just didn't care and let them all think that I was a psychopath. Then it ended. The dark receded and once again I could think clearly again.

I still couldn't remember much though.

People didn't know whether to trust me or not and I couldn't blame them either. It had been so long since I had felt like myself and then when I finally though that things were returning to normal something else turned up and dragged me back. It wasn't long after it ended that the nightmares began. It was all the things I couldn't remember. All flooding back to me in a ferocious torrent. Those nights haunted me, I could remember everything. The darkness was gone but it left a bloody trail in its wake. That was when I knew it wasn't me. In the nights I could remember, I could see them. The faces of the dead. People I had killed, people who I had been forced to kill. Murders I couldn't remember.

Every day I think about it and not a day goes by where I wish it didn't happen. Some days I could barely look at my friends, for so long they dealt with darkness think that it was me. So long they were lied too and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I didn't know how. I couldn't blame them for mistrusting me. I couldn't even think about it, I didn't want to face it. So I didn't, I stopped going to school. I didn't go out and just became a recluse in my home. Then the school got wise, I told them I was sick. Maybe I was. Then my dad phone, the school had called him. Said he was worried about me. I really wished I cared. I didn't _want _people to worry about me. I just wanted to be left alone. To collect my thoughts. So I said to my dad that I had been under the weather and that I was going back to school soon. I had to go back after that. Finish the last year and then disappear.

Then I made a mistake, I let everything get to me. I couldn't handle it. I saw the way people looked at me, whispered about me. Every single day in school I could see the eyes following me. They all thought I was insane, weird. A freak. I always knew I was different, I had grown up in a different place. I wasn't charismatic, funny or athletic. I was shy, clever and not very talkative. I knew what people thought about me but for the first time in my life I started to listen and it got to me. It hurt, what they said hurt so bad. I tried to drown myself... I couldn't do it though, the moment I felt as though I couldn't breathe I stopped. I needed to leave.

So I did.

I was happy when I left. I know most people are sad to leave their home but after everything that happened. I wasn't sad at all. I needed a change, I wanted to stop being me. So I left and wanted a fresh start. I wanted to begin all over again, I wanted to change so badly and blend in a little more. I really did try. Every time I looked in the mirror though all I saw was a pale face scrap of a person with short white hair. I wanted to fit in so I cut my hair but it didn't help. I wanted to look at me and see the person I had once been. Happy. To look at myself and not see some sad excuse for a human being. Maybe that's all I'll ever be. An excuse. Pathetic and sad.

Not good for anything but being a host for evil.

And maybe that's all I'll ever be good for. I just don't know anymore. It's not like it matters anyway. There's nobody left to care and in the end you die alone. Just like I will.

-Ryo Bakura.

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**A/N: **Let's face it, how many people caught on that it was a suicide letter. Initially i never intended for it to end up like that but, hey-ho it's here. I always thought that Bakura was an odd one, he never got much closure and to be honest all of the people I've ever spoken to that have ever watched or read Yu-Gi-Oh agree that out of all the characters Bakura was the most likely to die young. Just a thought.

Thank you for reading, sorry it was depressing. Faves and Reviews are always appreciated. Hope you liked my first Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction


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